Just Keep Swimming And You'll Find The Shore Sometime
Horatio Sanz at the end of the most recent SNL:
Yesterday evening i got a rush of happiness. i dont know why. it just happened. i tried to figure out what started it but i couldnt.
it was pretty nice.
within 4 weeks i guess i will make a $20,000 dollar decision. its kinda wierd to think about how i dont really know for sure much of anything, and im supposed to make massive decisions on all of it.
i was thinking last night that maybe i care too much about things, maybe apathy is all the rage?
maybe i should care less about what politicians are doing to our country and start voting? maybe i shouldnt give a shit about american factory worker jobs and give all of my money to walmart?
anyway, ive just been mulling over some of these big decisions and all the while recently coming under the guilt that i dont "do enough for God". whatever the hell that means. im pretty sure its some false guilt, but it still makes ya feel like crap sometimes.
you know, sometimes when old shit comes creeping back up it just kinda sucks.
ive been playing morrowind a lot and trying to not listen to any music while i drive.
when reeve was here we talked about some pretty sweet stuff and one thing that made me think alot was just when he was talking about how he liked to be alone sometimes so he could just process life and figure out how he felt. i kind of like that.
music affects me so much that sometimes i accidentally let it guide my feelings for a whole day, or a whole week. then when i turn off the cd player i realize that maybe im not as sad as i thought, or maybe im not as happy as i thought.
i just kind of sit there, floating in a place of no feeling as my brain and my heart and everything else try to meet each other in some designated place where they can talk it out.
it takes a few days to clear out the brain and begin to think "on my own". and it helps me sleep better because my mind isnt freaking out.
i feel it: im in need of a hike during the day and a walk at night. ive been reading Thoreau's Essay on Walking and it is making me stoked. it makes me feel less wierd about my favorite kind of walking- the kind where you have no destination or plans or time to get back. maybe a lil money or a lil sandwich for food and thats it. its truly adventurous and always exciting and you always get to see a little bit of America that you didnt know existed.
i finished The Lord Of The Rings but i am postponing The Silmarillion until i get some other books finished first. i think i am going to work on George MacDonald's The Miracles Of Our Lord. by the way, The Silmarillion is freaking awesome.
im going to try and get some of the nonfiction type of stuff out of the way so i can work on the fiction action. ill be double teaming on some Thoreau and Rousseau.
Yesterday evening i got a rush of happiness. i dont know why. it just happened. i tried to figure out what started it but i couldnt.
it was pretty nice.
within 4 weeks i guess i will make a $20,000 dollar decision. its kinda wierd to think about how i dont really know for sure much of anything, and im supposed to make massive decisions on all of it.
i was thinking last night that maybe i care too much about things, maybe apathy is all the rage?
maybe i should care less about what politicians are doing to our country and start voting? maybe i shouldnt give a shit about american factory worker jobs and give all of my money to walmart?
anyway, ive just been mulling over some of these big decisions and all the while recently coming under the guilt that i dont "do enough for God". whatever the hell that means. im pretty sure its some false guilt, but it still makes ya feel like crap sometimes.
you know, sometimes when old shit comes creeping back up it just kinda sucks.
ive been playing morrowind a lot and trying to not listen to any music while i drive.
when reeve was here we talked about some pretty sweet stuff and one thing that made me think alot was just when he was talking about how he liked to be alone sometimes so he could just process life and figure out how he felt. i kind of like that.
music affects me so much that sometimes i accidentally let it guide my feelings for a whole day, or a whole week. then when i turn off the cd player i realize that maybe im not as sad as i thought, or maybe im not as happy as i thought.
i just kind of sit there, floating in a place of no feeling as my brain and my heart and everything else try to meet each other in some designated place where they can talk it out.
it takes a few days to clear out the brain and begin to think "on my own". and it helps me sleep better because my mind isnt freaking out.
i feel it: im in need of a hike during the day and a walk at night. ive been reading Thoreau's Essay on Walking and it is making me stoked. it makes me feel less wierd about my favorite kind of walking- the kind where you have no destination or plans or time to get back. maybe a lil money or a lil sandwich for food and thats it. its truly adventurous and always exciting and you always get to see a little bit of America that you didnt know existed.
i finished The Lord Of The Rings but i am postponing The Silmarillion until i get some other books finished first. i think i am going to work on George MacDonald's The Miracles Of Our Lord. by the way, The Silmarillion is freaking awesome.
im going to try and get some of the nonfiction type of stuff out of the way so i can work on the fiction action. ill be double teaming on some Thoreau and Rousseau.
posted by the color j at 12:44 PM
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